Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Week 4 9/29/2009 Intro 1 of cause essay -revised

Up until today, I would have sauntered into my garden wearing my favorite pair of Capri pants and a tank top. My husband is quick comment, however, I make no fashion statement this morning. I am equally quick to remind him, I am on a mission today, not a runway. I am wearing an over-sized, flannel, men’s, long-sleeved, plaid shirt. As a result of all the rain we have had this summer, my climbing rose shrub has reached the second floor on the south side of the house and will need to be severely trimmed back before the first frost. I expect to be up to my elbows in thorns for the best part of the morning. The cuffs of my black, twill pants are tucked into a pair of faded, blue, Government Issue, cotton socks. Walking through the tall wet grass back and forth to the compost pile, I am certain to stir up nats, mosquitoes and ticks. I am allergic to bees, therefore, I wear the longest pair of socks I can find in my husbands sock drawer. My rubber soled shoes lace up the front and come midway up my legs. On account of my shin splints, I need that extra support when I do a lot of walking. My hair is pulled tightly back in a ponytail. Because the days are getting shorter now, I only have about nine hours of good daylight to get all my yard work done this weekend. I can not waste time worrying about a bad hair day or fashion. Although, that might have been the reason I selected a faded, blue, plaid scrunchie.

3 comments:

  1. Even better. Fine prose.

    But I don't see where this is going--what reasons for what will be given in the next three grafs. Are you giving reasons for the way your are dressed? If so, I'd say a short preview and shuffle most of this into the support grafs, but as I say, I'm not sure what the topic is and where it's going at this point.

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  2. Yes, I am giving reasons for my unusual garb. This being dressed this way today which is noticeably different from the way I had been dressing all Summer long, a "because" of and my "reaction" to. I was trying to show a change in my dress pattern because of the change in season and what I do in each season. I wanted to explained the reasons for what I wore. Example: all the rain (the cause), (effect) garden is now over grown ,(cause)I need to protect myself from plants' thorns, (effect)I wear a flannel shirt. Am I approaching this "cause" assignment correctly?
    I thought, at first, my first sentence should be my first paragraph. "Up until today...mission today,not a runway." However, I did not think it was long enough. Your thoughts?

    The next few sentences were actually the meat of my essay, explaining the reasons behind being dressed this way and my end of summer routine in the garden. That is why I included the following cause/effect key words: on account of, as a result of, because.

    I welcome your feedback and suggestions. I read the sample cause essays and tried to follow their pattern. See Graf #8 posted here on ARTiculation.

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  3. I try to forget I was ever an English major when I read these. I forget that I'm sometimes willing to follow difficult authors through the twists and turnings of their minds.

    I become an educated man but a man in a hurry. I am willing to read every word but not to stop and ponder. I don't want to have to interpret or suspend my thoughts until clarity dawns. I want it dished up to me plain and simple (but not mechanically or gracelessly!) Not asking much, eh?

    I see and appreciate the key words but need that clarity by the end of the graf. In a completely unacceptable sentence the clarity would look like: "Here are three reasons I was dressed this way." Well, you can do much much better than that, but we need at least that kind of focus, however you can dress it up.

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